dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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