Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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