he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
