I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
