garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
