So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
