were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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