Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
