I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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