my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she told me i tasted like america
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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