it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
