ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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