if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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