yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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