Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
