are you so shy because you have an std?
honey bunches of taint.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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