i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
