what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
