i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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