im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
soo... how was my night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
