Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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