WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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