Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
