At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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