Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
