I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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