This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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