I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
