my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
