yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
