Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
