i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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