apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
