As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
