dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
