More tranny stories later!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
