why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
