so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
