She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
