I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
