I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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