I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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