I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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