Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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