# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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