Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
