i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
