im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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