ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
