i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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