Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
