I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
