69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
