What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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